Bush Bicycle Crash Details Leaked

Posted on February 27, 2006

On Sunday, The Scotsman obtained previously unavailable details about President Bush's bicycle crash during the last G8 Summit in Scotland. Apparently, some crucial facts were omitted when the incident was reported to the press. But The Scotsman is on the job, and has managed to obtain the unreleased police report. The conclusion: President Bush was unable to ride a bike, talk and wave at the same time.

Scotland on Sunday has obtained remarkable details of one of the most memorably bizarre episodes of the Bush presidency: the day he crashed into a Scottish police constable while cycling in the grounds of Gleneagles Hotel. The incident, which will do little to improve Bush's accident-prone reputation, began when he took to two wheels for a spot of early-evening exercise during last year's G8 summit at the Perthshire resort.
*****
It was "about 1800 hours on Wednesday, 6 July, 2005" that a detachment of Strathclyde police constables, in "Level 2 public order dress [anti-riot gear]," formed a protective line at the gate at the hotel's rear entrance, in case demonstrators penetrated the biggest-ever security operation on Scottish soil. The official police incident report states: "[The unit] was requested to cover the road junction on the Auchterarder to Braco Road as the President of the USA, George Bush, was cycling through." The report goes on: "[At] about 1800 hours the President approached the junction at speed on the bicycle. The road was damp at the time. As the President passed the junction at speed he raised his left arm from the handlebars to wave to the police officers present while shouting 'thanks, you guys, for coming'.
"As he did this he lost control of the cycle, falling to the ground, causing both himself and his bicycle to strike [the officer] on the lower legs. [The officer] fell to the ground, striking his head. The President continued along the ground for approximately five metres, causing himself a number of abrasions. The officers... then assisted both injured parties."
*****
At hospital, a doctor examined the constable and diagnosed damage to his ankle ligaments and issued him with crutches. The cause was officially recorded as: "Hit by moving/falling object." [Editor's note: that "moving/falling object" being President Bush]

The writeup of the crash makes for some pretty funny reading. But it apparently wasn't quite so funny for the officer who was struck by the "moving/falling object": he was injured so severely he was unable to return to work for 14 weeks. The White House refused comment to The Scotsman. Let's hope they paid the guy's medical bills, at the very least. And would someone please tell President Bush that it's time to switch to a safer exercise regimen: like walking on a treadmill?