Desecration Comes in Many Forms

Posted on May 19, 2005

Lee Smith has a very interesting article in Slate entitled "Quranic Etiquette: Why My Egyptian Doorman Ate My Homework" that explains all the things you can't do to the Koran. Apparently, it's a desecration even to mention the book in such a frivolous format as this blog. And that's just the beginning. There are rules for how the book can be displayed, who is allowed to touch it and when (never after you've touched a dog, for example).

Some Quranic etiquette is intellectual: One should pronounce each word correctly; one should seek to discover what difficult words mean. There are also prestige issues. For instance, one should not place any other book on top of the Quran. This last was a violation that my Cairo doorman Muhammad was ever concerned to root out. Once he had satisfied himself that I had not put the Quran under any other book or item in my apartment, he would instruct me to pour us both a glass of whiskey, after which he would not touch the Quran again until he was sober and had somewhat repented for a clear transgression.
Once, Muhammad discovered in my garbage an exam I had taken that tested knowledge of certain ayat (or verses) from the Quran, and he reproached me for putting the holy book in the trash. I said that it was not the Quran itself, but only words taken from it. His response was astonishing: "You can either burn your exam," he explained, "or do this...." At which point, he tore off a verse, rolled it up, put it into his mouth, and swallowed it. I note that Muhammad was a doorman and not a scholar, but apparently in this particular instance, there was no problem if the Quran was to wind up in the toilet presently.....
At any rate, it is dangerous to invest artifacts with too much metaphysical significance. The fact that many Muslims regard the Quran as the literal word of God, as we have frequently been reminded over the last week, poses an enormous problem. Without reinterpreting or recontextualizing a sacred text that suited the exigencies of an ancient Arabian community, it is going to be difficult for 21st-century believers to get along with non-Muslims on a very small planet.

I don't recall anything like that in Sunday School at all. All we got was "don't eat the paste." But we did have some really cool Old Testament comics. Somehow I don't think those would be allowed either.