Joe Millionaire, Episode 6: The Pressure's On

Posted on February 5, 2003

Butler Paul Hogan must have a lot of time off. We always seem to see him in an easy chair, with a snifter of good cognac, nary a hair out of place. But given that his current employer, one Evan Marriot, is more likely to drink beer and pad around the chateau in ratty old jeans and flip flops, it's not like he has a whole lot to do, really. Except escort discarded bachelorettes off the premises, of course.

We're down to three candidates now: the dingy Melissa, the enigmatic Zora and the famed foot fetish film star Sarah Kozer. This episode must have been exhausting to shoot. Evan flies each of the girls via private jet to a different posh resort for some one on one time. First up is Melissa, who is flown to Cannes. Unlike the cheap-o trip to Paris, this time the producers actually shelled out some money for decent hotels: the Carlton, in this case. At dinner, it became clear that any chemistry the couple had before was totally gone. Evan decides to actually make conversation, and it turns out he was much more interesting when he didn't talk at all. Interesting tidbits he talked about included a story of medical horror involving some kind of fungus and the fascinating tip that 'super glue works great on cuts.' Back in the room, Melissa did everything but hurl him to the floor with a headlock, but Even seemed nervous and worried. Exit Melissa.

Zora was next. Before leaving, she announced to the remaining girls that she had a no kissing rule. Evidently, she's not a stickler for rules, as this rule was broken during the after-dinner swim at the hotel in Corsica. On the way to the hotel from the airport, Zora says, "Oh, look Evan -- a bulldozer!" Entranced, Evan noted that she was the only girl who had thought to point out implements of his former vocation. Points to Zora. In a voiceover, Evan muses, "I wonder if I am attracted to Zora because she's playing hard to get, or because I'm really attracted to her." Such deep thoughts. The morning after the midnight swim, Zora totally freaks Evan out by telling him that she dreamed he was actually two people, one of whom was named Joe. "Is she psychic??" wonders the nonplussed Evan.

The last trip was with Sarah. Sarah really lucked out, getting to stay at the Grand Hotel du Cap Ferrat. At dinner, Sarah showed a modicum of knowledge about wine and food....and Evan hungrily eyed her gnocchi all during dinner, even begging like a little dog for another bite. After a moonlight walk in the garden, Evan muses that "she could be the one." Back in his own room, Evan can't sleep... he's tossing and turning, his conscience getting the better of him. At 3 am, he can't take it any more and hauls one of the producers, Ray Guiliani, out of bed for a chat on the terrace. With lots of bleeped expletives, Evan tells Ray he can't take it anymore -- all the lying etc. It is clear that this scene edited quite a bit, and one has to wonder what was deleted? The part where Ray Guiliani offers Evan more money? Where he gently reminds him of his contractual obligations and the power and might of Fox's legal department? Whatever he said, it worked. By morning, Evan was really to soldier on with the charade.

Of course by now, everyone in the world has seen The Globe's article and photos which claim that Zora wins and marries Evan at the end of the show in a romantic ceremony at the chateau. The Globe's claims that Zora knew Evan wasn't a millionaire, because she is psychic and loves him anyway. The article also alleges that the ceremony was not legal in France, that it was all a big sham, and that Zora and Evan were both paid quite a bit more money to go through with the ceremony, then keep it quiet. Apparently, the producers forgot to sign the cleaning crew to confidentiality contracts. Ah well, only time will tell if The Globe is right. In the meantime, we're down to two contestants for next week: Zora and Sarah.